


Weighted Differences

by quynhtessence



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Romance, incoming angst?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quynhtessence/pseuds/quynhtessence
Summary: In which Kang Seulgi is studying at the local university to get her masters, Bae Joohyun is trying to climb the corporate ladder, and a series of events lead to Moon Byulyi asking Seulgi out.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi, Kang Seulgi/Moon Byulyi | Moonbyul
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Notion

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for mild graphical simile in the beginning. 
> 
> I'm probably being silly but spoilers alert in case anyone hasn't seen nor read Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice". 
> 
> Update monthly, I have a lot bottled up for this ;-;

During a company’s end-of-the-year party at a high-end restaurant, teams from various departments gathered and cheered for yet another successful project. 

The Chief Project Manager made an honorable mention of her name as the Project Manager that led them to this year’s success. She stood up to the standing ovation acknowledging her achievement and saw eyes looking at her either in awe or disdain--likely from jealousy.

The party soon wrapped up as she shook hands with partners and higher ups.

Bae Joohyun often felt the moment when someone had utterly fallen for her. 

Like putting a knife through the heart and feeling its firm flesh sliding through the steel-cold blade. Sinking deeper, bleeding faster. The control was hers. She regulated and ruled over it. Whether it ends up in pieces or escapes with a small gash--

Hers. 

It was all _hers_.

A young man, seemingly in his mid 20s, approached her once everybody took leave.

One look at the man’s jaw dropping slightly--throat bobbing from a gulp--told her everything. 

His name suddenly surfaced to her mind.

Lee Minjun. A rising star in Finance. 

He had two heads above her and spoke in a nice deep voice. Hair neatly groomed, whiff of gentle cologne. His gestures spoke a kind swagger, spawned likely from his pedigree and the confidence of youth. Daring yet meek. Eyes sparkling with her in them. The type to meet her demands if she willed it, a puppy to follow her around in his foreign luxury car.

Did he calculate the idea to pursue her amidst the seemingly good atmosphere?

An amused smirk tugged at Joohyun’s lips. 

Men. Hard taut muscles. Tall, gruff, and bold. Charmingly commanding. A heartfelt contrast when they were exclusively gentle with you. Voice deep and comforting, you feel safe. Dependable, with a leading demeanor. Bedroom dreams. 

Men. Growing distant overtime. Disinterested when you make too many demands. Cold when you no longer wanted to bed him. Leaving you behind for their ambitions.

She toyed with the idea of seeing women. But that would add an interesting mix into office scandals, not to mention--there were none that had caught her eyes. They weren’t so different anyway. Hearing powder room talks and rumors amongst the office had given her more or less the idea. 

Vain and conceited. Sweet when it was convenient for them, venomous when you fail to please them. Women.

Minjun began with small talk, congratulating her and essentially repeating words that wrapped up the ceremony. She nodded and smiled, eyes on white and varnished teeth. He cut to the chase, asking if she had further plans tonight. 

There was a sense of familiarity in this moment. She’d stepped into the same river countless times. 

“Yes, I’m having dinner with someone.”

She put a special emphasis on the last word. It was enough for him to take a step back, mouthing _I’m sorry I didn’t know_ , the initial confidence shrinking.

He was attractive. Definitely her type. But she didn’t feel like it tonight.

She excused herself promptly then left.

It wasn’t a loss opportunity. She could simply change her mind later if she wanted to. Their schedules were always open for her (she knew from experience). 

And what she said wasn’t a lie.

She did have someone to come back to and have dinner with. A younger girl, three years below her age, whom she grew up with since highschool.

Kang Seulgi was a soft-tempered girl who had a playful demeanor. An admirable hard worker with a comforting humbleness. 

Joohyun had watched her grow up into a wonderful woman. The girl had recently finished undergrad and was pursuing her masters at the local university. Whereas Joohyun landed a job soon after earning her bachelors in business.

Joohyun offered her a room to stay for a cheaper rate than what the previous place was charging her. They were currently living together in Joohyun’s two-roomed apartment. 

It was ups and downs in the beginning, but they eventually settled on an agreement. There were rules now. It was much different than living by herself, but having the girl’s company was nonetheless a pleasant experience.

Words circulated about new upper management as the old man was retiring. She shivered at the thought of him, the way his languid, wrinkled eyes gawked at her on the first day. But thanks to him, she was able to seize the chance in proving herself from a mid-level position. Even if she was initially hired for her face, she had long shown that she was far more than competent.

Corporate hooha tired her out. Office politics were sometimes an issue but never a blockage. She was able to solve many things, her recent achievement validated it. 

At the moment, she wanted nothing more but to go home and fall into the girl’s arms. Bury herself in warmth and sweet scents. Soft music in the background, warm food on the table. Seulgi telling her about movie trivias, her peculiar fascination with people’s acting, and Joohyun listening and asking questions. Having a genuine conversation. 

The thought of it all was so comfortable she nearly melted into it as she sat down in the driver’s seat. 

She glanced at the time as the engine ignited.

11:23PM

Late. She usually got home by six. But it was a Friday night, so she found herself hoping a little. It was nice coming back to someone.

_Is she still awake?_ Joohyun wondered before sending a message informing the girl that she was on her way home.

She made a separate order from the restaurant: a well marbled, rare ribeye. 

Seulgi ate well, maybe she’ll have it the next day with no complaints. 

A notification buzzed with an “ok” followed by a smiley face, sending an elated Joohyun home on the road.

\---

The door opened for an expected arrival. 

“What smells good?” Seulgi greeted the food instead of the carrier. 

Joohyun’s eyes widened threateningly, devising a response to dangle the fate of the food upon Seulgi’s choice on whom to greet. 

Seulgi must have sensed it and quickly revised, “Welcome home, Joohyun-unnie.” She followed with a cunningly coy smile.

Quite mischievous, that girl. The older woman hummed amusingly before placing the entrée on the table.

“This is from the place down the corner. We had the company’s party there,” Joohyun noted as she hung her coat and keys in their usual placements. 

“How was the party?”

Instead of replying, Joohyun’s hand reached out for the girl’s. The weight of the day suddenly fell on her. She felt heavy. Soft hands held back then pulled her into a familiar touch, her head now spinning in the girl’s warmth. She let a drawn out sigh into the fabric of Seulgi’s sweater. 

“You seem like you’re ready to pass out.” Seulgi had to take one step back to keep balance as Joohyun was progressing in leaning all her weight against her. “Or would you like to watch a movie together?” she suggested.

A sound akin to _mmph_ from Joohyun’s throat. She didn’t know if she did or not. Her eyelids were threatening to close right then and there. 

“I’ve been wanting to watch this one with you.” 

“What is it?” Curiosity briefly revived Joohyun’s senses. She was going to demand that the girl tell her but suddenly considered that Seulgi might not have had a meal yet. “You should eat first,” she prompted after pulling back.

The younger girl paused to think before proposing, “Alright. How about you settle down and prepare for the night and I’ll turn on the movie.”

Joohyun scoffed, “I don’t know about that, I might just collapse right then and there in the shower.”

“Then... should I be there to assist the process?” Seulgi said casually seconds before losing composure at her own antic, face reddening from laughter. 

“What are you saying…” Joohyun’s right brow jolted from the jest. An amused grin widening on her face, granted the thought did fluster her enough to be somewhat more awake now. 

“You don’t have to if you’re too tired. Watch the movie, I mean. ” Seulgi added, earning a slap on the arm from the older woman. She proceeded in washing her hands at the sink. “I know it’s been a long day for you.”

“What about you? Why are you up so late anyway?”

“I was sketching and time flew.”

“Sketching what?”

“Just… some reference photos I took on campus,” Seulgi answered meekly, as if not wanting to sound overly confident even though Joohyun thought her drawing skills were great. “I’ll show them to you some other time. So movie or no movie?”

The older woman smiled at a small hopefulness in Seulgi’s tone for a movie, and agreed, “Sure. Movie.”

“Okay.” Seulgi hummed contentedly as she set the food from the box for herself. She proceeded in casting the movie app from her tablet to the big screen in the living room, her focus on browsing for the title.

Joohyun found herself gazing at the girl, blinking several times, forgetting briefly that she had the night to prepare for.

“Unnie?”

“I’ll go get changed and brush my teeth. Showering tomorrow,” Joohyun declared, ignoring the weird face Seulgi made at her at the latter remark. 

\---

They finally sat down together on the couch in front of the TV after Seulgi finished eating.

“Did you like the food?” Joohyun asked, instinctively reaching for the girl’s hand.

Seulgi gave two thumbs up, one hand holding up Joohyun’s in the process, head nodding happily in approval. “It was really good. Thanks.”

“What is this?” Joohyun inquired.

“Pride and Prejudice. It’s based on an English literature by Jane Austen.”

“ _Puh… lai…_ Looks familiar…” Joohyun said, attempting to pronounce the English title. She might’ve seen the girl play this on her iPad once or twice, but never really sat down to watch it herself.

“You’ve been meaning to watch this with me?”

“It’s one of my favorites. I think you’ll like it too.”

“Hm…”

Joohyun let out a small laugh. It was all so cozy, she thought. 

What would happen if they didn’t live together anymore? The day would come when they have their own path to take. Seulgi would get her masters, eventually PhD, and go far off somewhere to another university for research. 

In the meanwhile, she would stay in this city, hoping to get a high position where she could be more involved with the company's big decisions. And then…

And then what?

Travel? Marriage? Kids? Retirement?

What were those things like without Kang Seulgi?

“Unnie?”

Joohyun snapped out of her daze. 

“Are you paying attention?”

“Isn’t that Knightley… _Kee_...?” Joohyun managed to at least recognize the actress by her last name--the one from the pirate movie.

“Keira Knightley,” Seulgi reminded gently, receiving a slight nod from the older woman.

The movie progressed. Seulgi would occasionally make brief pauses to point out some facts like how one of the houses in the movie was filmed in a place called Basildon Park in England, or how the team would have to create visual effects to remove more modern landmarks like electricity pylons to fit the period setting. 

Seulgi was always so absorbed in the effort behind certain forms of creations--be it movies, music, art--and Joohyun was always willing to let the girl unravel her mind. Listening was easy.

It was refreshing. Something honest and natural compared to stone-cold, bureaucratic, systematic exchanges she would have to deal with during the day.

Seulgi liked movies. She’d said that they were like lenses to the world; not just simply entertainment or box office records. People’s visions and messages and sometimes even propaganda. A tool…? Or a form of expression. An art. They stretched and contracted her emotions, making her feel different values of sentiments--anger, fear, loneliness, grief, happiness, gratification, etc.

The coordination of it was fascinating. Like an orchestra, where everyone has to play their own part in a tempo dictated by the conductor. Watching things come together, like paint mixing into the desired hue. 

It was getting a bit hot holding hands for so long, so Joohyun let go and linked arms instead. She pulled herself closer to Seulgi’s side, resting the side of her face on the girl’s shoulder. 

Seulgi half-mindedly removed a small pillow between them to help the contact, eyes still glued on the screen.

All motions done second-natured.

Mid-movie, Joohyun remarked that she liked the music and scenery, knowing Seulgi would have a lot to say following that. And she was right. The girl revealed the name of the composer as well as what he was inspired by. She also pointed out additional locations used during the movie. Her voice sounded calm and she spoke slowly--particularly in parts where names and locations were mentioned. 

But Joohyun picked up a sense of enthusiasm in Seulgi’s tone, and it was enough to keep her content if not being able to remember all the details the younger girl cited.

And so the movie ended.

Seulgi prompted her opinion of the movie and received a somewhat sleepy answer in the general arrangement of ‘the actress was pretty’, ‘the scenes were pretty’, ‘the music was pretty.’ The girl smiled and nodded sweetly, as if appreciating that she gave it a chance despite not having much to say.

“How nice. She married a decent rich man regardless,” remarked Joohyun tepidly as Seulgi got up to turn off the TV and tablet. “Maybe that’s what I should do. Find a rich man and retire forever.”

“...” 

“Seulgi?”

“The nice thing about modern day where we live is that women get more opportunities to fend for themselves,” she replied, “But you do what you think is right.”

“What is right?” It wasn’t a serious question. Joohyun mostly wanted to hear what Seulgi would follow up on, the words being light jests for the most part.

“Figure that out for yourself.”

A small laugh from Seulgi before she said goodnight and retreated to her bedroom.

“Goodnight,” replied Joohyun, still on the couch, cold now and wondering if the tint of dryness she heard was from her imagination.


	2. Respect

The door closed with a click. 

Seulgi breathed in deeply then let out a tired sigh. 

She enjoyed their time up until towards the end. Something blew her fuse, what the woman said. She knew that it was meant to be lighthearted and mindless. They were comfortable with each other. But hearing it being suggested aloud aggravated her more than she would’ve wanted it to.

She tried calming down. It was late but she took out her guitar and started strumming chords she remembered from the top of her head, humming quietly to a melody. 

Thoughts slowly drifted through her mind. She tried steering them away from Bae Joohyun, her roommate, her friend, her unnie since youth club in highschool. 

A buzz from her phone. 

_‘You awake?’_

It was Moon Byulyi, a friend she met at the Cultural Club in the university. An Art student, who recently switched her major from Biochemistry. 

Her frustrations from before soon evaporated, a smile forming on her lips. She texted back,

_‘How was your day?’_

Several seconds before a reply: 

_‘Awful. Call?’_

Seulgi usually wouldn’t call people, but she happily did so for Byulyi. She connected earphones to her device then put them on.

“Hello, Seulgi,” greeted Byulyi with a deep voice, sounding suave. 

Seulgi chuckled softly as she strummed another chord. “Hi, unnie.”

“Ooh. Are you playing the guitar?”

“I’m just playing randomly.”

“It sounds nice.”

“Thanks.” Seulgi grew a bit self conscious and put the guitar back in its case. “Did something happen?” she asked.

A sigh over the line. Seulgi waited, there seemed to be some background noises as the woman was moving things around. 

“My family found out I changed major so I had an earful from dad today.”

“Ah.”

“What’s wrong with being interested in art?” whined Byulyi over the line.

‘Wrong’ was subjective. “Your family might not be so convinced you’d make a living from it. Knowing you, I believe you will manage with whatever happens.” 

“Hmm… I’ll find a way to. What made you want to do Cultural Studies?”

“I picked something that I thought I was most interested in at the moment.”

Seulgi started fidgeting with a pencil on her desk. She then picked up the sketchbook next to it, eyes glancing over to photos of a woman with her hair dyed blonde posing next to various pieces of painting in the Art Department building. Everything about her was eccentric, it drew a smile to Seulgi’s face.

“How did you know it was something you wanted to do for your life?”

She didn’t. And Seulgi explained that she didn’t. How could anyone expect a kid fresh out of highschool to know what to do for the rest of their lives? Maybe for some, like her, things happened to work out fine so far. But for others, they needed more time and exposure. Experience. Connections and seeing the kind of work that they wanted to dedicate themselves towards. What is a college degree but a piece of paper, anyway? Sometimes it took many turns in life to realize. That wasn’t to undermine a college degree, but it certainly spoke volume about how the system worked. 

Besides, one of Seulgi’s friends landed a job without going through college. Kim Jisoo, an astute programmer for a well known game company.

She debated on the idea of it with Byulyi, the degree and certifications and acknowledgement. A way to validate. It is a trial--an evaluation to show that you could at least do as much as the qualification stated that you could do for people who might not specialize in it to have a good idea. 

As they talked, Seulgi lightly sketched the woman’s face from a photo reference. Pencil etching a boyish smile.

Experience from work would do a lot better than just reading textbooks, Byulyi thought. 

But being gathered in an institution and engaging in its coursework can be valuable for building connections and exploring, mentioned Seulgi. Resources like access to libraries, academic papers, professors helped. What was _really_ rewarding--according to Seulgi--was meeting and connecting to open-minded people. Such as Moon Byulyi, for example.

The way Byulyi chuckled almost shyly over the line made Seulgi blushed a little. She put away the sketchbook and pencil neatly on the desk before falling into bed, hugging a pillow.

Cultural Studies was uncommon, but she wanted to give it a try. Learning about different people from different places fascinated her. So many perspectives. There was a common base of humanity that they shared--be it language, religion, food, philanthropy, philosophy, etc. The concept of being human. The ideals of being human. The idea of simply being. She wanted to learn about the connections. What connected us all universally? Studying it for the rest of her life for a living didn’t sound so bad. It felt genuine--like a passion. There had been times when she’d been lost and questioned herself for it. But she pursued, always reflecting and reminding herself of a deeper meaning. She wanted to see the good in everyone, to understand them. Ultimately, she wanted to understand herself.

Byulyi proceeded in ranting about one of the things she heard on campus today--someone saying they were glad they were working on a degree so they wouldn’t end up like the janitor in the cafeteria. She said that it was extremely close-minded, that every job was necessary, and that pedigree had nothing to do with the value or meaning or purpose of your life. Some are privileged with education, status in society, a pretty face, being surrounded by knowledgeable people, understanding the meaning of humility, etc. We work with what we have to the best of our abilities. Doctors, lawyers, engineers, CEOs are also people. They are good at what they do and specialize in their field, but that doesn’t put them above as to having the right to look down on others as human beings. But because they are influential figures, it might be easier to fall into the mindset that they do.

Seulgi agreed but pointed out that the person saying that might not know better themselves because that was how they were raised. Their parents… and the parents of their parents, so on. Being born in different conditions can raise different circumstances which can shape us to who we are. All variables factor in: your status in society, your parents, your physiques, your circle of people, etc. Not to say that the statement was justified but he/she certainly could at least be sympathized. Perhaps they would realize one day and make adjustments to their mindset. Everyone had the potential to change and grow. Gentle steering. Influenced by people who knew better. Realizing values. Everyone has their own.

Much like how Byulyi’s parents had their rights to worry because of their own experience and knowledge. Could they be blamed for being conservative? For occasionally saying close-minded things without thinking further into it? They worked hard to raise a family, and sometimes that might not allow the time to sit back to gather new perspectives and reflect. As children who are privileged through their parents’ efforts, shouldn’t we be more patient with them? They are elders who had many years in this world--something the younger generations wouldn’t even have the rights to match with.

“You must have parents who raised you well, then,” commented Byulyi. 

Seulgi nodded meekly even though the woman couldn’t see her.

Besides, it might be easy for them to realize this because they were in the position to. They were comfortable enough to give it some thoughts. It was an observation made in a convenient position. Say they were in the janitor’s shoes, would they feel like they had the benefit of giving themselves the same defense? Or would they be too shameful and feel like they wouldn’t have the rights to? Shameful from society’s general perspective of their occupation. When you are surrounded by people who take you lightly for who you are, what damage must that do to the perspective you have of yourself?

On the other hand, when you grow up being coddled by those around you--showering you with praises and quick to jump at your defense--what major consequences were there to prompt you to be any different? 

Seulgi was helpless in suddenly thinking of Joohyun.

Byulyi provoked and prodded her thoughts. Churning interesting ideas, sometimes agitating words forced her to acknowledge a different perspective. 

The conversations she would have with the woman were meaningful. Mature. Provocative yet inspiring. Conversations she couldn’t imagine herself having with Bae Joohyun. 

“You have something going on on your side too, hm?” Byulyi observed.

Seulgi was brought back to moments ago. It was a bit unpleasant, and she’d rather keep it to herself. “Not really. I’m just a bit tired from the day,” she brushed off.

“Hm…”

“What is it?”

“We’ve known each other for almost a year already, yeah?”

Seulgi thought back to it. She remembered meeting the woman at a Cultural Club event. Byulyi approached her first, being bold and eccentric as she had always been. It felt arbitrary, but they were able to talk quite naturally to Seulgi’s surprise. She appreciated the woman’s playful frankness. Plus, they connected through art. Their time together felt longer than that. 

“And?” prompted Seulgi, curious to what the woman was going to follow up with. 

“Nothing. I feel like we’ve known each other longer than that.”

A chuckle. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

“Seulgi.”

“Mm?”

“Are you free tomorrow? Or erm--today. Let’s do something,” Byulyi corrected herself, seeing how it was nearly sunrise. They had been talking for hours.

“I--” She was hasty to say yes, but suddenly remembered that she had plans with Joohyun. “I… actually, I’ll be helping my roommate do some chores.” 

Shopping, cooking, cleaning. They took turns with cleaning, and it was Seulgi’s tomorrow. She felt a little disappointed. She really did want to make plans with Byulyi.

“How about Sunday?” Seulgi suggested.

“Ah, I’m meeting with my group the whole day that day.”

“I see.” Her heart sank. She had hoped to spend time with Byulyi. 

“Next week then? Clear your schedule ahead,” Byulyi suggested, bringing a sense of elation back to Seulgi. 

“Sure thing. What were you planning?”

“I’d like to go to a place with you.”

Well, yes, she would imagine there was a place to go to... “Where?”

“It’s a surprise,” Byulyi answered followed by a click of her tongue.

Seulgi’s grin stretched eye to eye. “What’s the special occasion?”

“Nothing in particular.” 

That didn’t sound like it, Seulgi thought. “Why is it a surprise then?”

A sigh. “Do you trust me?”

“Oh?” Curiosity weld her chest, she became playful from a delightful apprehension. “I supposed I do, street rat.”

“Ha.” Byulyi scoffed at the lame Aladdin reference and Seulgi laughed from the dry reaction. “Then be patient.”

They chatted for a few more minutes before calling it a day. 

Seulgi let out a tired sigh after ending the call, a smile stretching unknowingly on her face. She had something to look forward to the next weekend, and it spurred enough excitement for her to keep awake with her thoughts.

She knew Byulyi had a late day today so she deliberately kept herself occupied in hopes that the woman requested for company. 

Should she have been more direct? She wondered. Reached out when she wanted to talk instead of waiting?

But Byulyi could’ve been busy. She didn’t want to be a bother to the woman. Didn’t want to be thought of as a bother.

She glanced at her phone. The screen turned off and there was enough light in the room for her to see a reflection of her face in it. Drowsy and smiling. What a dopey look.

There was rummaging outside in the kitchen. Seulgi worried that she had talked so loud that it disturbed Joohyun. 

It turned out that the Joohyun was just getting water for herself from the sound of glass clinking and fridge humming. Not long later, Seulgi heard a click of a door, indicating the woman had gone back into her bedroom.

Unwittingly, Seulgi’s mind trailed back to Bae Joohyun.

Joohyun often came home ranting about happenings at work. How someone didn’t meet the deadline, too incompetent for their job, should get fired, didn’t deserve the pay, didn’t deserve her time--

Seulgi had heard enough of her stories. From contexts, she could connect the dots. 

Bae Joohyun did little to nothing unless you account for her frightening presence to regulate people to do their work. Sometimes going overboard. Making ridiculous demands and quotas, not accounting for their time nor feelings. But they were people who didn’t know any better. Most came in expecting these kinds of demands. It had driven them to the verge of breakdowns. Yet they had to work. It was a good company after all. No one questioned why it was the way she made it to be. 

Her face was useful. It drew interests and invoked new business connections. 

Hair dark as dusk, snow-white skin. Large round eyes, brows high. Gaze so piercing it _chilled_ to even glance at her. Expression always seemingly passing judgement on you… seeing through you.

She had a nice face and _sublime_ aesthetics. The woman could have _anyone_.

An intimidating beauty. Graceful and terrifying. You want to please her, earn her approval, a mere acknowledgement would have much meaning if it were given from her.

But what gave her the rights? Her well-bred physical traits? Her high title? The aura she emitted? No one questioned it. They simply obeyed.

Knowing her for so long, Seulgi grew weary to it all. Generally, she did her best to get along with everyone, including the woman. 

However, there was a time when they started living together that she had to put her foot down. Joohyun brought back guests without consulting her first. 

Did she not live here too? Having strangers in your living space was terrifying. They might not be strangers to Joohyun, but to Seulgi, these were people she hadn’t seen before in her life. Most were men whom the woman decided had the faces to match hers. Flings. The longest lasting for a couple of months.

Seulgi had to muster courage to confront the older woman about it. There were several restraints that made her hesitant. She thought long and hard about them. It was Joohyun’s place after all, she was merely the tenant who resided for a lesser rate than she would’ve had to pay otherwise. Maybe that was why Joohyun didn’t give it much thought. Did it occur to Joohyun how it’d be like if Seulgi brought home somebody without asking her ahead of time? 

The thought of Seulgi being the only one putting effort into considering things carefully with her roommate was hurtful and frustrating. She was ready for the worst case scenario. Before confronting Joohyun, she looked up several alternative places, ready to pack up and leave in case they couldn’t reach a compromise.

When she finally did sit down to talk to Joohyun, the woman already picking up that it was going to be a serious discussion, things went more smoothly than she’d expected. Joohyun complied to having strict rules about bringing people into their home, even if she was hesitant when Seulgi insisted that Seulgi would pay more to match exactly half of their rent. Seulgi had to push and reason that it was necessary to be on even grounds. Small things build up after all. 

But then… what was the point of moving in in the first place? Wouldn’t a different place do better for her pocket? For her sanity? Why stay?

Seulgi remembered a sense of uneasiness in Joohyun’s eyes that day. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Perhaps it was the discomfort of talking so directly. Admitting faults. Confronting problems. 

The moment Seulgi suggested the idea of moving out, Joohyun seemed to have lost her composure, as if her breath had left her. Seulgi didn’t mean to make it sound like a threat, it was more to lay out possibilities. To give them options. But to Joohyun, it seemed to have been an ultimatum. And the way the older woman softly said ‘ _okay’_ to everything that Seulgi had suggested made it ever so strange. 

She wasn’t used to the woman letting things go so easily. 

So powerlessly. What was the fear? Or was the compliance the result from the guilt in the back of her mind? The awareness that what she did wasn’t right, but being called out so she was forced to acknowledge her faults?

Living with someone for so long, they were bound to notice certain things about each other. Habits, cleanliness, general behaviors behind closed doors. They were also bound to collide. The dishes needed washing, you forgot to clean up after yourself, you talked too loud last night, please throw away the expired milk in the fridge, I’ve mentioned this days ago how could you have forgotten so easily? Etc.

The passive aggressiveness, the easily being irritated of petty things, the non-confrontational tendencies. 

Seulgi tried her best to cohabitate. Whenever they fought, she would be the first one to step up and apologize. Stabilize the situation so it would eventually be comfortable again. Endure the frustrations building up over the years.

Elizabeth Bennett from the movie had her wits and determination, but what did Bae Joohyun have? 

What man would like her beyond her face?

The thought of the woman ending the rest of her life being some trophy wife, plaything, a doll on the shelf--picked up then thrown away once time drained her of youth--deeply enraged Seulgi. 

It also puzzled Seulgi why she cared. Why did she care? Was it because she had respected the woman at one point? Did she still respect her? Was this disappointment?

Seulgi sat up from her bed, mind attempting to think more clearly. The morning sunlight reached into the cracks of the blinds, giving the objects it touched a soft halo. 

The mirror on her drawer casted a reflection of her perplexion.

Perhaps, Seulgi thought, the reason for Joohyun's lack of social awareness and consideration was due to the woman not having many people whom she could call as friends. As far as Seulgi was aware, Joohyun would come home from work not having much to say about people besides the complaints she had about them. 

Occasionally, Seulgi would hear the woman talking over the phone with her mother. Sometimes it would be their old friends she kept in touch with from youth club. But the friends had their own lives now. Everyone was busy pursuing their careers and dreams. Catching up was easy, but time for it was hard to come by. Who else could Joohyun confide in besides her mother and Seulgi?

She noticed for a while now that Joohyun wouldn’t open up to people very easily. In fact, the woman hardly was the one to reach out first. People were either too afraid to approach her or the ones that did usually had ulterior motives. She could faintly sense it at first before it would eventually surface later. Taking advantage of her face, her position in the company, not speaking on even grounds, always sending her praises from below. But never really there when she truly needed them. 

It must’ve happened enough times that even genuine attempts were dismissed because the woman had long grown indifferent to it all. The will to open up withering away, dissipating along with any previous hope for people’s intentions. Trapped within walls. Confined from seeing things any differently. 

So… was it pity? Seulgi wondered. The reason behind her staying with Bae Joohyun for this long?

Before she could further dissect the thought, another swiftly came over her. 

Perhaps… if Joohyun could learn how to reach out to others first, her interactions with people would provide more insights. Insights in opening up, being considerate for others, talking genuinely, expressing thoughts without the intention of hurting, drawing lines when needed without throwing a tantrum, being mature, being confrontational. 

A few moments passed as Seulgi had long given up the thought of sleeping. She stood up from her bed and reached into her drawers, pulling out sheets of paper and her favorite pens. She breathed in deeply as she casted the remaining hours into a course of thinking and scribbling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh, I was a bit hesitant to put this up. Tis but a fanfiction. I don’t mean any malicious intentions. I love OT5 and this will be my contribution to the fanbase.
> 
> I'll be taking my time with the rest of the chapters. My workflow is basically throwing up words and then arranging them. Cycle of putting it away, looking back at it, editing--putting it away, looking back at it, editing... How does this relate to the story? Does it make a point towards the story? Is it just nonsensical fluff? What purpose does it serve? Do I truncate or extend it? How can this be polished?
> 
> In a few months, perhaps summer, I hope to have all the chapters written and then upload them weekly. Everything is planned out from beginning to end, I just need to be patient in chiseling it out. I’ve been hasty because I really wanted to share this to anyone who might’ve read it or have shown interest. Regardless, thank you for sticking around if you’ve been one of the readers. I hope to deliver when the time comes.


End file.
